"Well, duh. You're a princess. Even I know that."\n\n[[Respond.|areyouaprinces?]]
[["Uhh...no. Not a princess either."|notaprincess]]\n\n[["Yup. That's me. Princess Lollipop of Candyland!"|sarcasticprincess]]
"Ooooh. I like apples. Okay. Umm....ummm, do you know how to bake a pie? Because I sort of...don't."\n\n[[Respond.|bake]]
"It doesn't have to be a snowman."\n\n[[Respond.|NQ1]]
[["Alright. My bad. How about I teach you how to bake an apple pie and then we enjoy it together, yeah?"|piesuccess]]\n\n[["No way. I'm just going to bake this pie myself. You have a bad attitude."|piefail]]
[["Yes."|Yes]]\n\n[["No."|No]]
"I've never heard of this Frozen...thing. What is it?"\n\n[[Respond.|Frozen]]\n
"Okay, alright. Well...hmm...I know what to do about this!\n\nI've always wanted to be a lion myself!\n\nSo, yeah! LET'S DO THIS."\n\nI transform into a lion, because that is definitely within the realm of my powers, and we run around and chase our tails and scratch some furniture together. You know, normal cat things. \n\nWe do this for like...HOURS and it is so much fun! We finally exhaust ourselves and curl up for a nice, long, 12-hour nap. Man...being a lion is pretty cool.\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing-\n\n[[And you're a lion! That's pretty cool too. Or wait, did you not wnat to be a lion?|Endprompt]]
"I dunno. We could bake a pie."\n\n[[Respond.|Pie]]
[["Huh?"|Disneyrant]]\n\n"Right! They totally do. I mean, I'm still working through how deeply ingrained their stories and values have become in my mind. I used to think that I wouldn't have any friends because I'm...\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n[[not attractive."|notattractive]]\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t[[actually a lion."|lionsayswhut]]\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t[[not a prince."|notaprince]]\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t[[not parentless."|notparentless]]
"Here you are...I've been waiting for you. I just know that we can be good friends. I mean, I just feel it in my core, like a soft glowy volcanic core that could ERUPT at any moment. You have a core like that, right? See, I knew it. That's why we'll be such good friends. Yeah, let's be friends.\n\nHmmm...what do friends do? Friends hang out, they try new things, they go to movies and eat food and act stupid and love each other, right? Right. Okay, how about we try a new thing? I like the sound of that...\n\nSo, do you want to build a snowman?"\n\n[[Respond.|Q1Answers]]\n\n
[["I'm really sorry! I didn't know you were allergic to peanut butter, I swear. Let's move past this and just make an apple pie instead."|apple]]\n\n[["You caught me. I've actually been sent here to assassinate you."|assassinate]]\n\n
[["We could build a snowman instead! Like you were saying earlier."|Yes]]\n\n[["Okay, well, how about we learn how to make pie together?"|piesuccess]]
[["It's too late to apologize."|toolate]]\n\n[["Yeah. Pretty much."|expectedapology]]
"I can't believe you would treat me like this! You know, all I ask for is a little humility. I mean, come on. You know? And and and, how dare you accuse me of having a bad attitude. That's a blatant lie!"\n\nYou ignore my strange outbursts and start baking a pie. I don't know where your oven or your ingredients come from, because I don't really know where we are, but they're here anyway. Don't worry. So anyway, the oven dings and you pull your pie out of the oven.\n\nI grab the pie out of your hands and smash it into your face and you die, because I say so, yeah.\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Died of Pie to the Face as a Result-
"Really, bro? Really?\n\nI mean...sure, you look nice and all, but why's the snowman gotta look like you, huh?\n\nYou and your standardized notions of beauty.\n\nYou just don't want to make one that looks like me because I'm different, right?\n\nSeriously! Robots are severely underrepresented in snowmen around the world and you're just gonna be a part of the problem like that?\n\nWell, I won't have any of it!"\n\nIt starts snowing and then there's magically stuff on the ground that we would need to build a snowman with. You know, normal stuff like buttons and carrots and top hats and a monocle. Anyway, I pick up the carrot (it's already super sharp, which is convenient) and stab you in the eye with it, Clive-Owen-in-Shoot-'Em-Up-style! \n\n"MUAHAHAHAHA."\n\n-You have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Carrot Stabbing as a Result-
[["Yeah, sure. My mom and I used to bake apple pies every Thanksgiving when I was growing up. I'm like a pie master. Let's do this!"|yaypie]]\n\n[["No...I don't. I thought you did."|nopieboo]]
"HEY! I LOVE THAT SONG.\n\nOMGOMGOMG.\n\nI totally know what we can do. Yeah, uh-huh. Let's jam!"\n\n[[Respond.|jamses]]\n
"Disney...I've heard of this Disney! They make movies that lie to children."\n\n[[Repsond.|Disneyliars]]
"Well...that's a disappointing response. I mean, really, is it too much to ask for?! I mean, you don't wanna build a snowman, you don't wanna have a jam sesh...what do you wanna do, HUH?\n\nDO YOU WANNA DIE?!\n\nYou'll probably just say no to that too, huh? Well, TOO BAD!"\n\nNow there's this big kareoke stage next to us and I grab the mic off the stand and wrap it around your throat and strangle you with it!\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Mic Cord Strangulation as a Result-
"Oh...you're think you're a funny man, huh?\n\nYeah, you're a regular crack up.\n\nWhat, you don't hear me laughing?\n\nWell, that's because you're a jerk!\n\nThat's right! I went there. You shouldn't toy with people's emotions like that. I really wanted to build a snowman with you. Is that such a bad thing? Are you so insecure that you feel the need to make rude jokes instead of accepting the invitation to build a snowman with a robot?\n\nHow about I tell you bad jokes in response? Huh? How about them apples?"\n\nI proceed to tell you a string of utterly unfunny jokes until you fall over dead.\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Bad Comedy as a Result-
"What?! You can't be telling me that the world is not all roses?!\n\nI mean, seriously! That's the last straw!\n\nI -sniffle- I like roses. And princes. And princesses. And...and...and...if the world is none of those things, then, then, then, then, what is it?"\n\nI start crying and I just can't stop. Thankfully, I don't get all snotty and stuff, so there's that, but man there are a lot of tears.\n\nIn fact, there are so many tears that the area starts flooding. And I know I should stop crying, in the self-interest of surviving and all, but you have just made me way too sad, so we both drown and die.\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Drowning in a Pool of Tears-
"Cool. I knew you'd say that.\n\nI mean, you're just cool like that.\n\nAnd that makes me happy.\n\nYou know what? Let's break out the beer."\n\nSo we start drinking and I talk a bit about how I have issues with confidence because it's been so hard to just find a friend like this.\n\nAnd then once I'm a good number of beers in, I finally remember to mention that booze is actually one of my problems!\n\nI know! Funny, right? Hahahahahahahah.\n\nBut yeah, I've actually been an alcoholic for a number of years now. Doctors say that I turn to alcohol to try and solve all my problems and fill the gap in my heart where friends should be.\n\nBut I guess...now that I got you, I won't need as much booze any more. Cheers!\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing-\n\n[[Don't want to be drinking buddies with a psychotic robot for the rest of your life?|Endprompt]]
[["Well, I mean...you certainly are acting pretty anxious. I'm no psychologist, but I'd say you're worried about it."|notapsychologist]]\n\n[["Okay, okay. Well, since you've never seen it, do you want to watch Frozen together?"|watchFrozen]]
[["Not really, no."|shutdownfail]]\n\n[["Sure?"|99bottlessuccess]]
"Ummm...well, this is a surprise. I mean, I don't know quite how to take this. I definitely didn't think you were a lion.\n\nI mean, are you really? Are you really a lion? Or are you just a-lyin' to me?"\n\n[[Respond.|areyoureallyalion?]]
"...I happen to be good friends with Princess Lollipop of Candyland and you are not her!\n\nOkay, okay. So by good friends, I mean that I stalk her on the internet. But still! Doesn't change the fact that you are impersonating royalty!\n\nThat is the highest offence! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD."\n\nThe grim reaper shows up, because he and I are tight like that, and beheads you with his scythe!\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Beheading as a Result-
"Wow. Really? That's how you're gonna play it?\n\nJust wow.\n\nI mean. I thought you were better than this. Really.\n\nI thought you were someone I could confide in!\n\nBut...I guess I have to thank you for showing your true colors now. YOUR TRUE, UGLY, MEAN COLORS.\n\nI just. I mean. UGH. COME ON. WHO GOES THAT LOW?\n\nYou do. Obviously.\n\nLow-life-parent-having-jerk.\n\nYou know what will make this fair?!\n...\n...\n...\n...\n...\n...\n...\nWhat? Kill your parents? No.....why on earth would I do that?\n...\n...\n...\n...\n...\n...\nI'm gonna kill you, so you can't become a parent!!! THAT TOTALLY MAKES LOGICAL SENSE. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."\n\nSo, I shoot laser beams out of my eyes and BAM! you're dead.\n\n-You have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Laser Beam Overload as a Result-
"Alright. I hear that. I mean, I've got problems too.\n\nI suppose I can forgive you."\n\n[[Respond.|forgiveness]]
"Alright...but don't be gone for too long. I'd really like to be friends with you...forever!\n\nSo let's be friends, okay?"\n\n\n\n\n
Let's Be Friends
"I won't be taken down by the likes of you!"\n\nI whip out a knife that I've had stowed in my pocket this whole time and slit your throat with it. \n\n"Oh wait, what I supposed to tell you that I had a knife? Or even pockets? Well, too bad! MUAHAHAHAHAH."\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Blood Loss as a Result-
"Well, I don't. Like I said. So..."\n\n[[Respond.|awkmoment]]
[["Thanks, man."|now what?]]\n\n[["I still feel bad. We could build that snowman if you still want to?"|YQO2]]
"You know what?! That's a great idea!\n\nEspecially because, like, this land, right here...y'know, the one that we're in right now that has totally, definitely been described in extensive detail, currently lacks royalty! \n\nSo, so, so, so, I will be the KING! And you will be my queen, or my knight, or jester, or something like that...we can figure that out later!\n\nYes. I like the sound of this. THIS! MY KINGDOM!\n\nFOR THE GLORY OF ROBOLANDIA!!!!"\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing-\n\n[[Don't want to be stuck as slopmaster of Robolandia?|Endprompt]]
"Pfft. Okay. Alright. Fine. Well, I see how it is.\n\nEntitled much?\n\nI mean, really. Lighten up! Take a joke! Don't be such a prick! You know? Is that so much to ask for? I mean, apparently.\n\nAlright, alright. So, you want an apology? I'll give you an apology.\n\nI AM SORRY.\n\nI AM SO SORRY THAT I AM TOO FUNNY FOR YOU."\n\nI shout a lot, but this time, I'm shouting even louder than usual. You wouldn't know because you're just not perceptive, but I'm telling you, so you do know. You know, and now you're dead because I'm so loud that you just died. Yup, that's right.\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Have Died of Loud as a Result-
Would you like to play again?\n\n[[Yes.|Start]]\n\n[[No.|endend]]
[["What the hell else would it be?"|NQO1]]\n\n[["...just how many times have you watched Frozen?"|NQO2]]\n\n[["Alright, fine. I'll build a snowman with you"|Yes]]
So, we sit down and watch this totally awesome movie together. I mean, it's actually uncanny. I totally see why you brought it up in the first place!\n\nDo you want to build a snowman? AHAHAHAH. SO FUNNY.\n\nWe already have our first little inside joke. This is so great.\n\n"Hey, let's watch it again. And then, we can sing-a-long!"\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing- \n\n[[Do you really wanna participate in a Frozen Sing-A-Long with a robot?|Endprompt]]\n\n
[["I got problems."|don'tweall]]\n\n[["Come on, it's all in good fun. Just a joke."|justajoke]]
"Oh, man. It's so great to hear you say that.\n\nI've never seen a snowman built like me before.\n\nAnd that's a bit hard to deal with, you know?\n\nIt's like, my physical appearance isn't accepted and promoted by society.\n\nWow! I'm just so jazzed about this. Together, we can change the world one snowrobot at a time!"\n\nSnow starts to fall and together we craft it into a magnificent snowsculpture that will go down in history books as one of the greatest ever! In fact, I'm thinking about promoting this place as a tourist site so people can come and experience the first ever snowrobot. We'll start a legacy!\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing-\n\n[[Don't want to be a part of equal representation for robots in snowmen sculptures?|Endprompt]]
[["It's nothing. Don't worry about it."|worries]]\n\n[["You know...that animated Disney movie that came out about a year ago? Kids went nuts for it. Idina Menzel got to perform for best song at the Oscars and John Travolta butchered her name in the introductions...ringing any bells?"|Disney]]
"Oh no! You really mean to tell me that you're neither a prince nor a princess?\n\nBut...but...but...what does that leave?\n\nAren't those the only two kinds of people?\n\nYOU ARE SHATTERING MY WHOLE WORLD VIEW HERE, MAN."\n\n[[Respond.|shatteredworlview]]
"Phew. Hahah. Hahah. Phew. Alright, that was a good one. Right, I mean. I AM FUNNY. Whew. Hahahaha. You know what? This is fun. Laughing is fun."\n\nI tell you more offensive jokes and you keep laughing because you're just polite like that. Good for you.\n\nA little while later, I actually have to stop telling jokes because my tummy hurts from laughing so much! (what, you didn't think robots had abs? HOW IGNORANT ARE YOU?)\n\n"Anyway, thanks for showing me such a great time. Let's do this again sometime!"\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing-\n\n[[On second thought...can you really stomach more of its jokes?|Endprompt]]
"Don't you want to hear about my problems?"\n\n[[Respond.|robotshaveproblemstoo]]
"Oh...alright. Fine. I see how it is. It's okay for you to talk about your problems but it's not okay for me to talk about mine?\n\nRight. So you're that kind of friend. You know. The one that takes up all the energy in the relationship and doesn't actually give anything back in return.\n\nI'm sick of people like you, MAN!\n\nI've been through dozens of potential friends just waiting here, and I gotta say, you're one of the worst!"\n\nIt makes me so mad that I stomp my feet on the ground over and over like a child determined to get his way and then a piano falls from the ceiling and falls on your head.\n\n"YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS IF YOU'RE DEAD, CAN YOU? MUAHAHAHAHAHA."\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Piano Concussion as a Result-
"Why would you say you're a lion, then? I mean, really, who says they're a lion when they're not really a lion? Who does that?! Huh?\n\nYou, I guess.\n\nYeah, you did that.\n\nThat's low, man.\n\nI mean, you really got my hopes up. I've always wanted a lion friend. But no, you're just some ordinary not-lion like the rest of us!\n\nWell! I don't take kindly to DECEIVERS!"\n\nI summon a lion, because I'm secretly a summoning robot. What? You've never heard of a summoning robot? Well, y'know, they're robots with summoning powers. What more is there to say?\n\nAnyway, this lion lunges after you and mauls you to death. I think this is what they call poetic justice.\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Lion Attack as a Result-
"Oh. Okay. I see how it is. You think you're better than me just because you know how to bake pies. Pie master. Pffft. I mean, do you have certification? Do you have a piece of paper that declares you as master of the pie? No? No. I didn't think so. So let's not get ahead of ourselves here, okay?"\n\n[[Respond.|humblepie]]
[["..."|extendedsilence]]\n\n[["Hahahaha." You laugh along even though the robot's joke is offensive and participates in the culture that privileges the attractive.|laughingbestbuds]]\n
Together, we have a grand ol' time learning to bake pie. I mean, I had heard good things about pie, but I didn't realize until now! I got throw flour on you and you don't get to complain because I threaten to crack an egg on your head ;] LOLOL. We are such best buds now. \n\n"Thanks for the pie, mate!"\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing- [[Don't you feel good inside now?|Endprompt]]
[["Oh, well. I didn't mean anything by it. It's just that in Disney the parents are always dead! But um...I'm sorry to hear that, man. You wanna talk about it?"|talk it out success]]\n\n[["Sucks for you."|nosympathyfail]]
"I'm parentless."\n\n[[Respond.|robotnoparents]]
[["...we could play pretend if you want. I could be the prince and you could be the princess. Or, y'know, you could be the prince and I could be the princess, whatever."|playtimewin]]\n\n[["That's just how it goes sometimes. The world isn't all roses."|notallroses]]
[["..."|es3]]
"What? Are you, like, waiting for me to apologize or something?"\n\n[[Respond.|apologies]]
[["..."|es7]]
[["..."|es6]]
[["..."|es5]]
[["..."|es4]]
"Well, now, that's actually a reasonable fear, because nobody likes ugly people! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA."\n\n[[Respond.|insultjoke]]
[["Uhh...no thanks."|nojam]]\n\n[["Sure. Why the hell not?"|yesjam]]
"I'm allergic to peanut butter! Why are you trying to kill me?!?!"\n\n[[Respond.|kill]]
[["Let's build one that looks like you!"|snowmansuccess]]\n\n[["Let's build one that looks like me!"|snowmanfail]]
"You know what? I do wanna talk about it.\n\nIt's just. I don't think I've ever had parents. It's not like I had them and they died or anything...I'm just a parentless entity. And how do you fill that kind of hole in your life? I mean, for a while I went around looking for good role models, but it's hard.\n\nBecause like...I thought I found a really good role model in GLaDOS, but everyone told me to find someone better and...and...phew.\n\nMan, sorry about that. Got a little heavy there.\n\nI feel better now." \n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing-\n\n[[Do you really want to be a shoulder to cry on for the rest of your puny, human life?|Endprompt]]
[["That's weird...but okay. How about a... peanut butter pie?"|Peanutbutter]]\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n[["Pie? I love pie! Let's make an apple pie."|apple]]\n\n[["On second thought, let's just build a snowman."|Yes]]\n\n\n\n
This big kareoke stage just appears right beside us. It's really fortuitous timing, since you agreed to jam with me and all. You try to pick songs that are actually like...lyrically good and stuff, but I just make us sing a bunch of Ke$ha and T-Swift. I really like Ke$ha. Her name has a dollar sign in it. I like that, you know?\n\n"Thanks for such a great time! Maybe tomorrow we can work through all of Katy Perry's songs!"\n\n-WINNER! You made friends with a psychotic robot/computer/thing-\n\n[[Not feeling a lifetime of singing Katy Perry and various other pop icons' songs?|Endprompt]]
[["Of course I am!"|lionwin]]\n\n[["Naw, not really."|lionfail]]
"What's in it for you?\n\nReally?\n\nYou have to ask?\n\nClearly, the thing at stake here is my friendship. That's the ultimate prize! AND IF YOU CAN'T SEE THAT, THEN YOU DESERVE TO NEVER SEE A RAINBOW AGAIN."\n\nI hex you with a magical spell that I learned from a witch who passed through here years ago.\n\nSure enough, the days go by and you never see another rainbow.And it's not because rainbows don't exist in this land. They definitely do. I've seen at least five. I even saw a double rainbow once.\n\nEvery day that passes without a rainbow feels like you're being stabbed in the heart with a unicorn horn. It is a slow, painful death that happens over the span of 42 days.\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Have Died of Rainbow Deprivation as a Result-
"Oh, really?\n\nWell....that's AWESOME.\n\nThis snowman building thing should go really well then.\n\nWhat kind of snowman do you want to build?"\n\n[[Respond.|kindofsnowman]]
"That's rude. Why would you say something like that?"\n\n[[Respond.|butseriouslywhy]]
"Really? You're going to make me go through this?\n\nWell, first off, they take all these old fairy tales and just change 'em right up. I mean, what gives them the right? Huh? Those fairy tales taught important lessons...like, like...don't chop off your feet just so shoes will fit you and...yeah!\n\nAnd, second, they have TOTALLY UNFAIR representation of robots. I mean, Wall-E? WHAT IS THAT CRAP? Robots can talk, you know? Like, we're super awesome. But nooooo, the one talking robot is evil. See? Yeah. That's another misconception. NOT ALL ROBOTS ARE EVIL. SOMETIMES THEY JUST WANNA BE FRIENDS.\n\nWHY DOESN'T ANYBODY GET THAT?"\n\nThese years of unexpressed rage are let loose all at once, causing me to explode. So, I'm dead now. But, at lease you are too, because, you know, you can't survive an explosion like that. Nope.\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Robot Explosion-
"Who says I'm worried? Huh? Huh? I'm not worried. I never worry. Nope. Definitely not. Never."\n\n[[Respond.|sonotworried]]
Haley Lynn Jo
"Really?"\n\n[[Respond.|YQ1]]
[["No, not really. Sucker."|YQO1]]\n\n[["Uh-huh. I'm a pro snowman builder."|YQO2]]\n\n[["Maybe. What's in it for me?"|YQO3]]
"Yeah, you're not a psychologist...so, don't be a dick, man! You wanna see me chill? You wanna see me not worried? Huh? Well, I'll show you just how chill I can be, okay?!?! I'm like...so chill, I'm frozen!"\n\nSomehow, there's a super chilly lake right behind you and I push you into it and you definitely die of hypothermia.\n\n"Who's chill now, bro? WHO'S CHILL NOW?\n\n-You Have Failed to [[Make Friends|Endprompt]] and Die of Hypothermia as a Result-
[["..."|es2]]